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Friday 2 September 2011

If England don't put a smile on your face, Wozniacki will


I woke up this morning both tired and happy. Tired because I’d been up til 1:30am watching my favourite tennis player Caroline Wozniacki ease through to the third round of the US Open. Rory McIlroy is a lucky lad – riddled in wonga, a golf course in his back garden , and he can now put ‘In a relationship with Caroline Wozniacki’ on Facebook, if he so pleases (although I suspect he has better things to do with his life). So that’s the tired part covered. The happy bit is simple; Wozniacki’s win means I can do it all again in a day or two. Come on you Delightful Dane you!

If i’m happy I try and balance things up; I think it’s something to do with being a pessimist. What better way than to click on a link on the BBC Sport website that says ‘Germany 4-1 England’? I don’t recommend you to do the same. I’m now as unhappy as a pig in a warm soapy bath.

I remember the swelteringly hot day vividly. I went to the pub kitted out in my new red England away shirt to meet my friends, drink some cheap pints and watch England play their way through to the quarters – our standard World Cup achievement. I think at the time the alcohol and sense of ‘we always get to the quarters’ brainwashed my mind into thinking we had a chance. As the highlights rolled up this morning, I can point out 6 main reasons we lost; Glenn Johnson, Gareth Barry, James Milner, Matt Upson, Jermaine Defoe and Fabio Capello. In my honest opinion (thanks for being honest, i’m sure you are saying right now), those 5 players are not players that will win you any international competitions, and the manager lacks qualities needed to be an England manager. You may view my inclusion of Defoe as harsh; I think he is a good quality Premier League player, but I draw the line at an international player that is good enough to compete with the top teams. Stop reading now if you hate my view that much, for pity’s sake.

The Frank Lampard goal that wasn’t, reignited a feeling of hatred inside me that Harry Potter fans must have felt towards Lord Voldemort when He Who Must Not Be Named was being nasty to Daniel Radcliffe’s alter-ego. I went hot, gritted my teeth and thought of Sepp Blatter laughing at us English (at no point did a scar on my forehead start hurting though). He doesn’t like us, and his pathetic refusal to put camera’s on goal lines ultimately robbed us of getting back to 2-2 and going on to lose via penalties; a much more honourable defeat. That is my view. Others believe had it been allowed we would have gone into half time buoyant and gone on to win. People who think that are wrong though. Germany were much the better team and all that disallowed goal did was make the more violent of the population scream about the Germans and the war. Joachim Loew’s team were younger, quicker, more productive on the ball and generally much better, and that’s where England can learn from them.

If the squad for the upcoming two games is anything to go by, then maybe Fabio has actually learnt from the Germans. Phil Jones, Chris Smalling, Tom Cleverly and Frank Fielding (Englands #1 (when Joe Hart and David Stockdale get injured)) have been called up. Add to this a fit Jack Wilshere and the squeaky clean Andy Carroll, and already you can see the team is looking much more fresh and youthful. These additions have also given me a new enthusiasm for watching England, as sadly in the past, watching Gareth Barry play for England stripped me of any enthusiasm. Nothing against G.Bazza, I just don’t think he should be playing for England. Hopefully by Euro 2012, Chris Smalling and Phil Jones will have had an excellent season with Man Utd and displace the massively over-rated and hugely disliked John Terry, and hospital dweller Rio Ferdinand. Rio does have quality when he is fit, but for me, and hopefully for you, seeing an England team dominated by talented youngsters, rather than the failed “golden generation”, is much more refreshing. Crikey, I seem a bit upbeat here, so let me remind you that these ‘talented youngsters’ I talk about failed this summer in the u21 European Championships. Never mind, hey.

Tonight I will be returning to the scene of last summer’s crime. I will turn up to the pub for some cheap pints and hope to see a good England performance from a young team.  This time i’d like to think that Mesut Ozil and Thomas Muller will not ruin my day, and if they do, then fair play to the Bulgarian FA for defying international law and managing to get the two German hotshots playing for their national team. I think we will win tonight, and beat Wales next week (the war-torn and natural disaster site of Haiti can apparently put out a better national team than Wales, although that is according to the same FIFA World Rankings that rank England better than Brazil, Argentina, Italy, France, Portugal and Uruguay). If we don’t win though, oh well. Just watch Caroline Wozniacki, she’ll  soon put a smile back on your face.