Premier League Draft

This essay will be discussing how the English Premier League would work if it adopted a draft system, from scratch. There will be absolutely no references to academic literature, I will not be using newspaper articles to back up my points, and it is highly subjective. After writing two essays in a week, totalling 7,000 words, it is a huge relief to be able to write what I want without having to see if what Brooke wrote in 2007 complements my point. Now I’ve got that off my chest, lets move on, and stay with me, cause it isn’t really an essay (it’s more of a mini-dissertation, just without all the jumping through hoops).

Conception of the idea

Last night whilst watching Simon Mignolet make a save in the Sunderland v Everton match, I said to my housemate Tom: “Where’s Craig Gordon? Is he still injured? He cost £9m!”. His reply confirmed nothing, other than the fact that Sunderland also have Kieren Westwood in their ranks. Goodness gracious me I thought, two good goalkeepers not even playing, that’s not right.

Then Tom - the world’s second biggest football fan – said in a frustrating fashion: “The best players in the league should be playing football” (the whole Carlos Tevez affair really got to him also). I questioned him, just because devil’s advocate is a role I enjoy playing. I can’t remember exactly what I said but it must have been silly because he replied with “So you’re telling me Dimitar Berbatov wouldn’t do a job at Wigan?”. Of course he would.

To cut a long story short, we decided between us at about 9pm it would be good if we came up with a system that meant the best players in the Premier League were all playing. It would also mean we could stop players such as Shaun Derry and Emile Heskey from stealing a Premier League living. “Not tonight though Tom, it’ll take ages” I pleaded. Well folks, when the world’s 2^nd biggest football fan has something like that in his bonnet you just can’t stop him. At 11.45pm it had been completed. 

The Method

1)      Predict the final league table. This includes those that get relegated and those promoted, so effectively we had the 20 best teams in the country. It was decided Manchester United would win the league, and Reading would be promoted via the play-offs (along with West Ham and Southampton).  QPR, Wolves and Wigan get relegated so they aren’t in contention.

2)      The selection process. The league winner (Man Utd) gets first pick of each position, Reading get last. It may not seem fair to all of you, but not to worry, can’t please everyone.

3)      Formation. Each team plays a 4-4-2 cause it’s solid and everyone knows their role.

4)      Player selection.  Imagine each manager sat around a big table. Goalkeepers are first. Fergie picks Joe Hart, poor Brian McDermott is left with what we perceive to be the 20^th best keeper, cause everyone else has picked. As I say, highly subjective the way we chose players. It basically came from what we thought and what we thought alone.

5)      For positions where 2 players are required (centre backs, centre mids and strikers) we had to pick and rank the 40 best players in their position. And the way these were selected goes as follows...
Fergie: I’ll have Nemanja
Mancini: I’ll have Vincent K then
Wenger: Well in my opinion Terry is third best so i’m taking him
...
McDermott: Cool, well I think the 20^th best centre back is Brede Hangelaand, so i’m having him.
Then it goes back to Fergie who essentially picks the 21^st best centre back to partner Vidic. Etc, etc, etc.

The outcome

My theory is that Man Utd have the best players in the league apart from second centre back, second centre mid and second striker. That’s fair, surely, because they are the best team. Reading and other lowly teams on the other hand have received some very good players because of the fact that big clubs are over-run with talent (City, United, Chelsea etc). Average teams like Everton should in theory receive average (respectively, compared to everyone else )players as a result of this system. I believe if this was the case the gap between top and bottom would be a little closer with a higher quality. What do you reckon?

Issues

It doesn’t take into account club loyalty – Paul Scholes ends up at Liverpool for example. Also, we had to make decisions on players based on injuries and form etc. Would you rather have Ryan Giggs or Yohan Cabaye in your team? Giggs is a legend, Cabaye isn’t, but he’s arguably better at this moment in time. Tricky, isn’t it? Neither Craig Gordon or Kieren Westwood make the list. Tough luck guys, but thanks for the inspiration. Another issue is that Tom is a little biased towards Newcastle

So, have a look at the table below. What do you think to it all? Which team looks to have come out of it best? Who’s come out worst? Who looks to have got the signing of the season? For that one, Balotelli at Norwich gets my shout. 

Very much interested in your thoughts. Thanks to Tom - who is incidentally also the world’s biggest crickets fan - for his handy work on Excel. And if you’re wondering who the world’s biggest football fan is, that’s my mate Nathan Shaw. He loves football, he just loves talking about football...

Derby 1-0 Forest

Some nights in football are special. Last night was one of them. I wished to be at Pride Park but instead headed to Radio Derby - perhaps the second best place to be on derby day – to work (don’t go there unless you’re working though cause you won’t be let in, and rightfully so).

I’m told by many the atmosphere was absolutely electric last night, and I can believe it, because night matches are much better than the usual 1pm kick off that usually sees the Derbyshire leg of the East Midlands derby. It’s always a special night when you beat your local rivals, particularly when you dislike the opposition as much as I do. That said, I don’t dislike them enough to sing derogatory songs about a dead man, and neither do the fine majority of Derby fans. The chants do not surprise me, because there are some absolute oxygen wasters in Derby; they should be identified and banned from the ground. Tweets from Forest fans and players (Dexter Blackstock), suggests that all Derby fans were singing the vile chants. Wrong. It was a minority and these people know that, so I find their claims insulting and a way of detracting from another loss to their biggest rivals in what has turned out to be a disastrous season. Some Derby fans have been waiting 40 years to see the Rams beat Forest home and away, yet they are being made to feel guilty about enjoying it, because apparently Derby fans are disgraceful. I’d suggest that Derby possess the same amount of disgraceful fans as Forest do. After all, it’s not nice to sing about Kris Commons’ wife having a miscarriage, is it?

So, to the football. 

Derby seemed to be all over Forest in the first half. “We need to score while we are on top” I’d say to anyone that was listening (the only other chap in the building). We didn’t score and I was left advising an old flame how to lose weight on Facebook, to calm my own nerves. According to the radio, Lee Camp was having a great game, and my housemate’s words from hours before were ringing prominently in my ears: “It’s got draw written all over it”.

The injury to Shaun Barker sounds a sickener. Captain fantastic is out for the season no doubt, and will be hugely missed. Jake Buxton , a man deemed not good enough for Conference side Mansfield Town, came on to replace him. What a rubbish sub, Nigel! Sort it out!

Then Marcus Tudgay got sent off. Then 8 minutes of injury time. Then, the goal.

94 minutes in and voices were getting more excited on the radio, and my thoughts on weight loss subsided (I’ve never dieted or tried to lose weight so why I was the one advising I’ll never know). I cannot remember the exact commentary of Colin Bloomfield, but when I return on Saturday I’ll be doing my utmost to make it my ringtone, for the rare occasions someone wants to talk to me. Absolute pandemonium ensued in the studio I was in.  I stood up and waved my arms, and life doesn’t get more exciting than that for me. Jake Buxton scored and Derby had beat their fiercest rivals in the last minute, and the world (city of Derby) was going crazy for it. 

My coursemates, a rum bunch, were taking time away from insulting my big nose and a love of cats to send me well wishes for the win. Football, hey?! Facebook disappeared off my screen, and I braced myself for the influx of calls. “FUCKIN COME ONNNNN, UP THE RAMS!” was the first. This particular chap hung up before I could lie to him that I’d try and put him on the radio. Swearing on the airwaves is a big no no, even at 10pm. A funny phonecall followed moments later however.

“Hello mate, can I go on air?” said a derby voice.
“Maybe mate, yeah, what’s your name first of all please sir?” I replied.
“Kieran Lee, calling from LA” he said.
“Ah, ay up mate, I’ve seen your willy!” was my first instinct. I managed not to say that and go with the more conservative “I’m following you on Twitter” line.
For those of you who don’t know, Kieran Lee is one of the world’s finest pornstars (apparently) from Derby and friend of the stars. He moved to Los Angeles to pursue his career and by all accounts, he’s done pretty well out of it (i.e LOADED!). He has over 22,500 followers on Twitter, of which I am one. For the record I’ve only seen his willy because it’s insured for £1million, and I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. A surreal moment in my life. 

Twitter was going crazy; Jake Buxton, a lad from Mansfield, was trending. Football throws up special stories sometimes, and this was one of them. Buxton was deemed not good enough by Conference side Mansfield Town, and Nigel Clough, who had previously managed him at non-league level with Burton Albion, brought him to Derby. He played a small number of matches at the start of his Derby career and didn’t disgrace himself by any means. His part played in another 1-0 win against Forest in 2010 stays in my mind; serial goalscorer Robbie Earnshaw was suffocating in his pocket that day. His career has been plagued by injury the last year or so, and his performances have been limited to 5 minutes at the end of games, to make up a 5 man defence and try and hold on to slender leads. His appearances were even met with jeers by some sections (some sections, Forest fans, not all). In his wildest dreams he wouldn’t have expected to score last night, and when he did, you could see what a popular lad he was with his team mates. His interview with Colin Gibson after the match was one of the best and most touching I’ve ever heard. He thanked everyone who had helped him to get to this moment; he probably knows the goal will be the high point of his career. There’s absolutely no shame in that though because not many players will score a last minute winner for Derby against Forest.

Were Jake Buxton to be a Sunday League player, he would turn up to the end of season awards and win the Sportsmanship Award.  He is not the best, most talented footballer, but he comes across as a really nice chap - confirmed by a colleague who has interviewed him – and a true professional. Hard working and persistent footballers like him, who don’t moan about being left out most weeks and who keep training hard, deserve a break. Last night he got his, and he will have legendary status round these parts for years to come. If you haven’t heard his interview, listen to it.

Three cheers to Jake Buxton. Three cheers to Derby County. And three big good riddances to the chavvy minority.