Quite a big week in football...

It’s all been happening this week in football. The world’s most anticipated game (Manchester United v Barcelona), the Football League playoffs which included the most lucrative match in world sport (apparently), allegations of corruption in FIFA (shock), and a footballing legend retiring (not Robbie Savage).

A joke has been circulating since Saturday that Man Utd are creating a ’19 times’ banner to go up at Old Trafford, signifying the amount of times they touched the ball against Barcelona. Funny whilst this may be, it isn’t a massive deviation from the truth. The simple fact is that Derby fans are going to have to stop singing “We’re by far the greatest team, the world has ever seen”, because Barcelona have taken that accolade, and most people tend to share this view. My dad however, puts up an argument that he used to see teams play like that in the 60’s and 70’s, with “inside forwards”, but I’m not sure he saw anyone as good as Lionel Messi at the Baseball Ground. He did concede however that play wasn’t quite as quick back then as it is now, and deep down, I think he knows this current crop of Barcelona players are the best team to have played the game. At the time I was highly critical of United’s tactics as they appeared to sit back and try and hold on for a draw. In hindsight it appears that this approach kept the scoreline credible. A £25 victory for me on the ‘draw half time, Barcelona full time’ market had me dreaming of 6 months travelling in Australia, but a few more victories will be needed for that.

Earlier today, United legend Paul Scholes announced he has retired from playing football. On this occasion the word legend is not being overused, unlike 93% of the time when it is overused. His retirement led to outpours of emotions from fans and players, eulogising about the ginger wizards’s (a name only usually reserved for my cat) abilities. Rio Ferdinand, Michael Owen, Zinedine Zidane, Andres Iniesta, Patrick Vieira and Alan Shearer have all gushed about him. Some people, including the names above, believe he was the best midfielder of his generation. If he could tackle, that wouldn’t be in doubt. It’s at times like these though you should remind yourself he is not actually dead. Written articles entitled ‘Scholes will be sadly missed’ and a Manchester United blog post of 'Leave your tributes to Paul Scholes here' give the impression that he is no longer with us. The reality is we’ll see him in a testimonial and then most likely on Sunday afternoons (once upon a time Man Utd played at 3pm on a Saturday afternoon) at Old Trafford as part of the coaching staff. As tends to be the norm these days, Dwight Yorke was consulted for all things concerning Man Utd, and he was another to praise Paul Scholes, especially his attitude in the dressing room. Apparently Scholesy is a bit of a mischief maker behind the scenes, and not as dull as he appears to be at face value. As a footballer, he will definitely be missed.

The weekend of playoffs started off slow, and worked its way to a fantastic climax. Stevenage v Torquay on Saturday was a very dull and tense affair in front of a relatively empty Old Trafford. Stevenage sneaked it 1-0 but more information will not be forthcoming in this blog as it was dull enough to send me to sleep in the second half. Huddersfield v Peterborough was a match that promised much. The Lionel Messi of League 1, Craig Mackail-Smith, hit the post early on and it looked as if it would be going to extra time, until 3 Peterborough goals in 7 minutes late in the second half ensured they would be trying to survive in the Championship next season. The owners have admitted that their best players will not be with them next season, so it could be a less than enjoyable season for them. If I hadn’t lost £50 in the last 2 seasons trying to predict teams to get relegated, I’d stick 50p on Peterborough to go down from the Championship next season. Thankfully, the Championship playoff final at Wembley was very entertaining. I had a bet on it to be 1-0 to Swansea, so naturally it turned out to be a goal-fest. A fantastic Stephen Dobbie goal earnt me a life-changing £3 though so all was not lost. A spirited Reading fightback made the game what it was, until Andy Griffin decided to hand Swansea a place in the Premier League. Brendan Rogers was fantastic after the match; very gracious in victory and clearly emotional after what has been a difficult year for him personally (his mother died and his father is suffering from cancer). Swansea play football the right way, and despite it not being to a lot of peoples taste, they will be representing Wales for the first time in the top flight.

In earth-shatteringly unsurprising news, FIFA have come under scrutiny this week for being corrupt. There have been more claims recently about corruption in FIFA than I’ve had hot dinners, although it should be noted when my mother goes away on holiday the number of hot meals I consume goes down drastically. It makes no sense to me where these corruption allegations come from though. A country such as Qatar, with its rich footballing history, tradition and fantastic footballing weather was always going to get the World Cup. Not a thing to do with money. Seriously though, if you believe that you are either Sepp Blatter, Sepp Blatter’s best mate, or one of Sepp Blatter’s employee’s. Former vice-president Jack Warner was suspended and spat his dummy out in a move that stunk of ‘well if I’m going down, you’re coming with me’. Today though he came out and said that Blatter should be supported. To coin a well known Derbyshire phrase, “are we rate or what?”. FIFA definitely aren’t ‘rate’. Mr Blatter will be standing for re-election this week. Much like the X-Factor, you can ring a number to vote*, but whatever 2 digit number you put at the end it doesn’t really make a difference, because Sepp is the only one standing for election. His news conference yesterday was quite a telling one because he basically lost the plot. Mr Blatter decided his trick was to go down the line of ‘you have asked me two questions, which one would you like me to answer?’, before turning on the journalists for an apparent lack of respect. At the end of the day though, a man who would rather employ two extra officials in a match than put a camera on the goal-line, does not deserve respect. Go to Argos Sepp, camera’s are quite small and cheap these days, and you’d save a fortune on 5^th and 6^th official’s wages. After you have been to Argos though, pack your bags and get out of FIFA, please.

*you can’t actually ring to vote, so please don’t ask me for the number

The Match of the Day?

So tomorrow will see the most anticipated match in football for a good few years. There are no stats to back this claim up, but it really just is the match to top all matches. Stevenage v Torquay for a place in League 1. It doesn’t get much bigger than this for the two clubs. This is Stevenage’s first year in the football league, and to get back-to-back promotions would be nothing short of phenomenal. The match is huge for all involved with the clubs and it will be viewed in my household with a nice cup of tea and bourbon biscuits, but joking aside, the Champions League final is almost upon us. If you’ve had a holiday on the moon this last week you’d be forgiven for not knowing; rarely has a match had such a big build up, and rightly so. Football experts are saying it’s the match that everyone wants to see, Manchester United v Barcelona, the two best clubs in the world. The experts made an error in their generalisations however, because the match I’d most want to see would be Derby County v Barcelona in the final, but I don’t think that will ever happen. I will happily settle for United v Barca, cause lets face it, United will put up more of a fight than the Rams.

United’s team looks like being Van Der Sar, Fabio, Vidic, Ferdinand, Evra, Carrick, Park, Giggs, Valencia, Hernandez and Rooney. A team worthy of winning the Premier League without a doubt, but how many would get in Barcelona’s team? Three perhaps. Van Der Sar, Rooney and Evra. The retiring Edwin Van Der Sar has been simply incredible for United, and despite his age has been one of the world’s best in the last few years. Wayne Rooney is Wayne Rooney in the same sense that a spade is a spade and a book is a book; I’m not here to tell you why Rooney would get into any team in the world because hopefully you realise that already. Patrice Evra is a fantastic left back and I’m sure Barcelona would prefer him to Eric Abidal or Javier Mascherano, the two players fighting (not literally) to start at left back. Apart from those three United players though, I’m sure Pep Guardiola will be more than pleased with the players he’s got. Lionel Messi is quite useful on his day, and Xavi can pass a ball, a skill that many Derby players have somehow made look very hard in recent years.

Naturally, people are trying to compare Wayne Rooney and Lionel Messi. I think Terry Venables should receive some mention for his view though. When speaking about Rooney “…he’s tough, tougher than Messi maybe, as a fighter”. If someone could just inform Terry Venables that it’s football tomorrow and not boxing that would be good. If it was a straight up fight then Mr Venables would be spot on; Rooney is thick-set from a boxing background and Messi is very slight – Rooney would probably knock him out in the 3^rd round. However, back to seriousness, Rooney’s toughness is obvious by simply looking at him, Messi’s toughness should not be discounted however. Every match the footballing genius plays in, he is floored by lesser players who cannot compete with him. Unlike his team-mates however, Messi gets straight up rather than rolling around and gets play underway immediately. He should be commended for that.

Javier Hernandez, or Chicharito as people prefer to call him, has been a great signing for United and surpassed all expectations in this, his debut season. He has been rewarded by a starting place for the final if I am to trust the people ‘in the know’.  Gerard Pique and Andres Iniesta could probably have thought of 100 better questions to answer than “Who’s better, Rooney or Chicharito?”, a question asked to both yesterday. Rooney is clearly the better player; Pique got splinters sitting on the fence, Iniesta told the journalist straight. To Barcelona, it doesn’t matter who is better as they will have plans to deal with every player. It is just an example of many silly questions asked to players and managers. Lessons must have been learnt not to ask Sir Alex about Ryan Giggs however. Mr Ferguson didn’t react too well to a question about the not so goody-two-shoes, issuing a banning order for the offending journalist. The way Giggs performs tomorrow will tell you much about the man. I expect he will put Imogen firmly to the back of his mind and produce as he has done for the last 20 years, and if he doesn’t perform it will be down to Xavi, Iniesta, and Busquets stopping him.

It would be rude for me to write a blog without giving you a tip for you to win money. I’m going for draw half time and Barcelona full time at 11/4. That means if you put £4 on, you will lose £4, cause I never win bets. So please, don’t listen to me. I’d love for my tip to be wrong on this occasion as I’ve had a soft spot for United all my life. They were my main team until I was 14, but then I realised that with me being a complete pessimist I couldn’t support a successful team. Also there is nothing quite like supporting your local team, no matter how dreadful they are. So I’ll be routing for Manchester United tomorrow, as I’m sure most of the nation will, apart from maybe the blue part of Manchester and red part of Merseyside. Can I blame them? I don’t know. Would I support Forest if they made it to a European final? Thankfully, I’ll never have to make that terrible decision. My mum and dad, avid Derby supporters, had to though back when Forest won their two trophies. My mum, a level headed woman who tries to see the best in everyone, expressed to me with a sense of shame and mischief that she was firmly in the anti- Forest camp. My dad with an equal amount of shame told me he wanted Forest to win, “for Cloughy” was his get-out clause.

So hopefully it’s a great final, with both Messi and Rooney on great form but United just edging it. Van Der Sar deserves a fantastic send off so him saving a winning penalty would also go down well. And as for the big match, well, I think I’d prefer Torquay to win that one. Chris Zebroski with the winner.

Nations Cup, you're having a laugh

For a while now I’ve been trying to think of something as pointless as the closing line on the iPhone advert “…and if you haven’t got an iPhone, well, you haven’t got an IPhone”.  A three-word phrase involving a swear word and someone called Sherlock always springs to mind when that advert rears its head, but I digress. The most pointless thing since that advert is the Nations Cup, being shown live on Sky Sports this week. Consisting of Wales, Scotland, Republic of Ireland and Northern Ireland, it really is a bit of a bad joke. What’s wrong with it? Allow me to explain.

Firstly, what is a Nations Cup without the footballing powerhouse of the home nations, England? It’s like a pork butchers that doesn’t sell sausages, Gavin and Stacey without Gavin or Stacey, and Neighbours without Dr Karl. England are not the be-all and end-all of football, granted, and judging by performances in international competitions they might not have even won it anyway. However, by not being included, the competition loses any sort of excitement it could have had. Countries tend to raise their games against England. There is a certain cockyness that is associated with the England football set-up, a cockyness that makes teams want to beat the country that calls itself the home of football. The last time England played Scotland was in a play-off qualifier to determine who went to the Netherlands and Belgium for Euro 2000. England, as expected, prevailed, but even I who was 10 at the time remember what an occasion those matches against Scotland were. None of that though in this Nations Cup.

The shy and retiring (literally) Robbie Savage, who wouldn’t say boo to a goose, was quick to use his Twitter account to lambaste this competition. Partly for the point highlighted above, and also for the fact that countries are giving free caps away. As Robbie said, players who have played half a match at League 2 are now being capped for their country, just so that the teams can fulfil their fixtures in the tournament. Savage is the first one to tell you that he wasn’t the most talented at football, but he is also quick to tell you he was capped 39 times for his country. He comes across as very insecure at times, and for him to think that relative unknowns are catching up on his international appearance total may be a reason behind his little outburst. However, Robbie Savage is totally right, whatever the motives behind it. Players should be made to work for their debuts and international appearances. Turning out in a third rate tournament makes a mockery of what should be a really proud moment. If I had a Welsh great great grandparent I’d like to think I’d stand a chance of donning the boots and gloves in this tournament.  

On Sunday we saw a dramatic Survival Sunday pan out. The playoffs are still ongoing. Many teams in the football league endured long and hard seasons. Surely the last thing players want to do is then play in what is effectively a friendly tournament. Judging by the attendances it seems like the fans would rather do more worthwhile things also. The tournament kicked off during the season before taking on a break. It is now finishing, with all the matches being played in the highly impressive 51,700 capacity Aviva Stadium in Dublin, Ireland. The Wales v Scotland match last night could have been played on my local park however, such was the dismal attendance. With only 6,036 people and over 45,000 empty green seats, it had the feel of a reserve match. You can’t fault the fans either for not turning up due to travel expenses. However, the Republic of Ireland v Northern Ireland match the night before only had 12,083 in attendance, making the travel expenses argument invalid, at least for the Republic’s fans.

To add to the stupidity of the tournament, Wales played in white shirts and Scotland played in yellow shirts, instead of their distinctive home colours. Against my better advice, my dad had a bet on there to be more than 5 corners in the first half. This was down more to the fact he is missing football than him genuinely believing there would be corners. There were only 5 corners, so he lost, and was dismayed at the negative tactics being employed. “That’s it, get into a scoring position, now pass it back, keep going, get it back to your keeper, that’s it, now start again, surprise surprise”. I’ve left the language out for your viewing pleasure. It just backs up what everyone knows though; there is nothing at stake in this tournament - the winners will be more happy with the fact they can now go somewhere sunny for a few weeks. It’s been a hindrance to most of them, even though they will never come out and say that.

Just before I leave you I’ll finish with a positive. There’s been a minimum of 3 goals in each match. That’s it; positives over.  So, be sure to watch the Republic of Ireland v Scotland on Sunday to determine the winners of the Nations Cup. That is, of course, if you have nothing better to do, such as the hovering, or in my case watering the millions of plants in our garden

Where did it all go wrong? Where can it all go right?

November 2010; Derby County were in 4^th place in the Championship playing some of the best football in recent history, about to play Burnley at Turf Moor. May 2011; Derby County finished 19^th in the league, rendering it a season that can only be described as absolute tosh. The Rams lost at Turf Moor that Saturday teatime and it was very much the sign of things to come. Four victories followed after that. 4 victories and 7 draws out of 27. If you are a mathematician you will know that is 19 points gained from a possible 81. If you aren’t a mathematician you will simply understand that to be nothing short of rubbish. Two of those four victories were against Championship world-beaters Preston North End and Sheffield United; that good they will be applying their trade in League 1 next season.

So where did it all go spectacularly wrong? To place all the blame at Nigel Clough’s door would be naïve. He had to cut the wage bill excessively and was given a very modest transfer budget. Some would say this is sensible ownership in a climate where many teams are in dire financial trouble, others would say the owners have not backed their manager. Agent Clough, as Nigel is referred to as by the Forest fans, has had enough money to build his own team that is capable of finishing higher than 19^th though. He has shown an eye for talent, particularly with the signings of player of the season John Brayford and hot prospect James Bailey, both signed from Crewe last summer. Clough had been after Brayford for quite some time, and his persistence was justified by Brayford’s performances this season. Earlier this season I read a blog on Sky Sports from Football League pundit Peter Beagrie who’s two top tips for a surprise England call-up were Jay Bothroyd (well done on that one Peter), and…John Brayford. I checked the date; it wasn’t April fools. I checked the time; it was 11am – I wasn’t drunk. And I’ve never been one for drugs. So it was genuine and my eyes were not deceiving me. I tapped my Ipswich Town supporting friend on the shoulder to express my shock and delight that a Derby player was being considered in some circles to replace the defensively poor Glen Johnson, but his reply was a standard one about Connor Wickham being the next England legend. So Fabio Capello didn’t listen to Mr Beagrie with his Brayford-for-England-right-back tip, but credit where credit is due to Clough and the Brayford signing.

So Brayford and Bailey are ticks in the transfer dealings box for Clough, along with the newly appointed captain back Shaun Barker, and recent signings Frank Fielding and Jamie Ward. Chris Porter however, Nigel’s first signing, was a terrible one. Bought from Motherwell, he was more or less injured for the majority of his stint at Derby. He is a player that has no attribute worthy of warranting a place in the team. No first touch, doesn’t win headers for a big man, and possesses no pace. Robbie Savage also offered very little in the talent department, but he was a leader and put 100% into every match, just about making him worthy of a starting place for his final season as a footballer. It was confirmed at the end of the season that Porter would not offered a new contract in news even less surprising than Ryan Giggs being revealed as the man behind all things terrible, including the current volcano erupting in Iceland.

Despite the odd bad signing, Nigel Clough has generally been quite good in the transfer market. Where he hasn’t been so good has been his tactics and man management; two fairly important components of management I’m sure you’ll agree. Any manager that is happy to play for draws at home, and who adopts defensive tactics as soon as a lead is established, is not going to get great results in my opinion (my opinion is reflected by the league table, strangely enough). All too often Derby came out after half time and defended, until we started losing (at which point he’d throw on a few strikers in the 92^nd minute – he’s not great at making substitutions either). Unlike the old Arsenal team who were famous for winning matches 1-0, we do not have David Seaman, Tony Adams and Martin Keown as a backbone, and watching a Derby team in the lead is very rarely enjoyable because you know that sooner or later, our defensive line will be deeper than Loch Ness.

As previously highlighted, Clough’s man-management, or lack of, is one of his annoying habits. If a player does something wrong in a match, Nigel will be the first one on the radio to tell everyone about it. Tomasz Cywka will tell you all about that. “He can go back to wherever he came from, until he learns the game” was one of Clough’s charming views on Cywka after a Derby conceded a late goal at Fratton Park against Portsmouth. Well, Nigel, he came from Poland, via Wigan, and I do believe we as a club are too skint to pay for his plane ticket back, so how’s about you fulfil your role as manager and teach him the game?

So what can be done to ensure Derby don’t suffer yet another poor season and avoid a trip into League 1 where our lovely rivals and two times Champions of Europe (ask one of their fans, they’d only be too pleased to tell you about it) Nottingham Forest spent a fair bit of time? A few new signings are required. Barnsley skipper Jason Shackell is on the most-wanted list, along with Aberdeen striker Chris Maguire. A Derby website will tell you that “Maguire scored 12 goals in 45 appearances this season and he helped Aberdeen finish ninth in the Scottish Premier League”. I’m sure I am not the only one entirely underwhelmed by that stat. Any team that finishes below third in the SPL would struggle to get out of League 2. Nigel needs to improve his managerial skills over summer too. If it gets to 10 games in and the Rams are in the relegation zone, it is time for Clough to go. He is only still in a job due to his father’s achievements with Derby, and the owners are doing everything they can not to tarnish the great Clough name, but I’ll leave you with an analogy my friend came up with that sums up why Nigel Clough got the job in the first place…

“When my dad retires from Rolls Royce, they aren’t going to ring me up and say ‘Ay up Dodge, come and build a jet engine for us will you cause your dad was really good at it’”. Well, DCFC rang Nigel up, and it’s about time he started showing something.

Survival Sunday

Survival Sunday. The day when my season-long bet of Wigan to be relegated finally gave up its fight and resigned us all to another season of nothingness from one of the Premier League’s 20 teams. A team that loses the first two matches 4-0 and 6-0 and that occupied the relegation zone for the majority of the season had no right to finish 16^th. Today my mum brought a fantastic lamb dinner to the table with all the trimmings. Had it have been Wigan, they’d have brought an empty gravy jug; that’s the extent to what they bring to the table.

Wigan have never been relegated from the top flight of football; and I’ll take great credit for that as any team I bet against tends to slap me in the face, and Hugo Rodellega was the designated slapper today. A massive afternoon; five teams fighting to stay in the world’s greatest league. You’d think that Wigan’s fans would turn up in force and cheer on their boys then, wouldn’t you? Unfortunately though it seems only two mini-buses were available in the Wigan area today to provide transport to the Britannia Stadium. A pitiful support numbers wise, but one should not be surprised if their home attendances are anything to go by. Credit to Roberto Martinez and the players though; they saved their first back-to-back wins in over 70 matches for exactly the right time. Surely though the Premiership would benefit from proper football clubs being in the Premiership. Clubs such as Derby, Leeds, Forest, both Sheffield Clubs, AFC Wimbledon and Accrington Stanley amongst others would undoubtedly bring more to the Premiership than Wigan do. But still, they are in the Premiership for another season because they did what was required, and Dave Whelan’s loyalty and investment has paid off again.

Everyone associated with Birmingham City must be kicking themselves, or at least cursing if they decide against self harming. Wojciech Szczesny and Laurent Koscielny got together at Wembley in late February and in an unprecedented act of niceness, decided to hand Birmingham the Carling Cup, and with it what should have been a comfortable end to the season. But Birmingham obviously didn’t fancy it and got themselves relegated today. The mind boggles. Despite Wolves being in the best position to stay up at the start of the day, they decided they fancied a flirt with relegation and let Blackburn score three times without reply. “Oh dear chaps, you have been terribly unlucky” is a phrase I expect Mick McCarthy didn’t use at half time. Blackpool, the nations second favourite team (unofficially and without considering Preston North End fans), got everyone’s hopes up by first equalising and then taking the lead at Old Trafford. A sarcastic chant of “We’ll only get 10 points” echoed throughout Old Trafford, in reference to people thinking they’d eclipse a certain teams lowest points total. Sadly though, their players then started playing like they had 10 points as Manchester United scored goals at ease. Ian Holloway’s fantastic interviews will be saved for the Championship next season and the league will be better for it.  In truth it was an afternoon that left me constantly thinking “Come on guys, playing at Pride Park next season will be lovely for you, but you might as well try and stay up”.

Whilst all the drama was cracking off, West Ham were quietly showcasing how bad they have been this season by losing 3-0 at home to Sunderland. Stephen Hunt’s late goal ensured Wolves stayed up. A last-gasp Roman Pavlyuchenko goal at White Hart Lane then confirmed to the Molineux faithful that, with regret, they would not be playing at Pride Park next season, although the thought of playing in Derby next season must be a consolation to the Birmingham fans on their journey back from the capital to the second city. So another season of the Premiership done. United worthy champions (for the 19th time, did you know?!), West Ham worthy losers. Wigan, well, come next week people in the Lancashire town will perhaps find out their team survived a 6^th season. 

Another Bet Lost

One of my best friends once said to me “I love football. I just love talking about football”. The phrase has proved a massive hit for banter purposes and barely a week goes by where he isn’t reminded of his heartfelt comments. It came back to haunt him one Sunday when he chose to watch a David Attenborough documentary over Match of the Day 2. I just hope you love reading about football as much as he loves talking about football, otherwise this blog about Peterborough and the MK Dons could be quite a drag for you.

My dad is responsible for many things, and the main one (behind him being partly responsible for bringing me into the world) is perhaps getting me into betting on there to be numerous corners in a televised match. You could put your mortgage, or in my case the last £2 in my Bet365 account, on there to be numerous goals in a Peterborough match, so I did. I fancied buying money tonight rather than going to the bank and drawing some out, so I put my £2 on an Over 12 corners and over 3.5 goals double. In hindsight, I should have just gone to the bank. Very upsetting cause it would have won me a massive £7.90.

MK Dons took a 1 goal lead to London Road, after an enthralling 3-2 victory over Peterborough at Stadium:MK on Sunday afternoon. Both teams had every chance of making it to Old Trafford. The standard of play paled into insignificance once former Man Utd player Luke Chadwick appeared on screen however. The man has been off my radar for a while but it is fair to say that he has definitely grown into his looks and has surely done enough to shake off the “ugliest footballer in the world” tag. That’s probably the first and last time I will comment on the way a footballer looks.

Posh captain Grant McCann scored his 12^th goal of the season with a cheeky free-kick in the 12^th minute; no doubt that is a stat all of footballs statisticians and Guy Mowbray will be salivating over. The 24^th minute saw a drop-ball awarded. A drop-ball is where the ref drops the ball and two players kick each other before making contact with the ball. I felt an explanation was necessary as inexplicably this fantastic part of the game has been going the same way as the Snow Leopard in recent years; towards extinction.  The 29^th minute saw a ball fizzed across the MK Dons box with onrushing Peterborough attackers and Dons defenders. I needed goals and corners, so naturally it missed everyone and went out for a throw-in. To add to my frustration Daniel Powell hit a shot firmly against the Posh bar and I still needed 3 goals. In the 40^th minute Craig Mackail-Smith forced a Dons defender into a panicky clearance that went for a corner. Sky commentator Gary Birtles said “That should have been a throw in”.  His point was, as he was expressing for each of the 90 minutes, that Craig Mackail-Smith is a very hard-working striker that never lets defenders rest. He supplemented his point when he said “Craig Mackail-Smith doesn’t know the meaning of a lost cause”. I know footballers are stereotypically unintelligent, but I’m sure he does know what a lost cause is, Gary.

The first half finished 1-0 with 9 corners; still work to be done on the bet. If Craig Mackail-Smith wasn’t the best player since Lionel Messi before he scored, he was after. He could do no wrong in the commentators’ eyes, and to be fair to the lad, he is very handy at League 1 level and has had an incredible season. 2 more goals and a few corners needed. In the 63^rd minute Lee Tomlin put the Posh 3-0 up with a great strike. My Sky Player then crashed so it was a full 5 minutes later (5 mins spent patting my own back about what a good bet this was turning out to be) that I realised the ref had pulled play back to award a free kick; definition of bad refereeing. Back-patting stopped. The corners requirement of my bet was satisfied in the 81^st minute when the 13^th corner was awarded. The same couldn’t be said about the goals scenario. Dons keeper David Martin diverted a firm Mackail-Smith shot onto the post in the 88^th minute and it was then I turned off the life-support that was keeping my bet alive.

Peterborough held on to win 2-0 and booked their place at Old Trafford to play Huddersfield. The MK Dons were left to rue a first leg in which they should have prevailed by a larger margin. The final will be a great match if both teams play how they have played all season. League 1 this season has been a fantastic league. MK Dons and Bournemouth can be proud of their efforts and look forward to strong campaigns next season. Craig Mackail-Smith will be playing in the Championship next year whether Peterborough win at Old Trafford or not. That’s assuming Gary Birtles doesn’t get on the phone to Pep Guardiola and convince him to take on the Peterborough hitman anyway…

Cardiff City, mainly....

Coca-Cola. J2O. Wine. Hugo Boss aftershave. Cardiff City. Have you guessed the connecting word yet? There may be more than one, but the correct answer is ‘bottle’. The former four products have bottle, Cardiff City simply do not. The perennial bottle jobs. Last night seemed like the 400^th time Cardiff have failed to do what the world of football thought they would do. 2006/07 they were at the top of the table for a significant period of time – finished 13^th. 2008/09 they spent the majority of the season occupying a playoff place – lost on the last game of the season and finished 7^th. Last season – lost in the playoff final despite being ahead twice. A Wolves supporting friend of mine will tell you it is simply Dave Jones’ fault. He bottled it spectacularly as Wolves manager in the 2001/2002 season. 11 points clear over West Brom with 9 to play; ended up losing in the playoff semi-finals. I’m sure you’ll agree; that takes some doing. The flaw to the ‘Dave Jones is the reason’ argument is that he got them promoted via the playoffs the next year.

So what about this season? I think expectation was the downfall of the Bluebirds. Any Championship team that signs Craig Bellamy needs both a very good cover story as to how they can afford him, and instant promotion. They achieved neither in my opinion. How they were allowed Bellamy in the first place is beyond me. From financially crippled, to having one the Premiership’s best and probably highest earners players. That’s like Rosie Huntingdon-Whitely leaving her rich and famous lover (if she has one) to spend the rest of her life with me, just because she has a fondness for the Derbyshire countryside. It is at this point I should note I do not have a clue who the woman is I have just mentioned, she was simply used as she is apparently the sexiest woman on the planet according to FHM. Bellamy is not the best on the planet, but you know where I’m coming from.

Bellamy didn’t play last night, but a team possessing him, England international Jay Bothroyd, Jason ‘had the potential to be brilliant’ Koumas, Michael ‘Geordie til I die but will sign for Sunderland and celebrate when I score for them against Newcastle’ Chopra, and Arsenal starlet Jay Emmanuel Thomas should not even need the playoffs to go up. Something is consistently going wrong at Cardiff. They could be great, but they fall at the final hurdle every time. Credit where credits due to Reading though, they were fantastic last night. Shane Long is a player (nothing like stating the obvious). Brian McDermott comes across well too. The sort of man you could introduce to your friends and they’d say “Oh, he is such a lovely man” after his exit. I like Reading. They have come from nowhere, and best of luck to them at Wembley.

Stephen Bywater helped put them on their way to Wembley it must be said by kicking the ball straight at Mr Long despite having acres of space to kick it anywhere but. A year or two ago I would have stuck my neck out, and I often did, to argue he was the best keeper in the Championship, but I think I’ll keep my neck in from now on. What he has done for Derby deserves a lot of respect and he will always be one of my favourites. I have tweeted him twice to explain such things. He replied on both occasions. Both times included his favourite phrase ‘Get your rat out!’ as well as ‘COYR’ (that is Come On You Rams to you lucky people who don’t support Derby). To say he is an interesting character would perhaps be an understatement. He has now returned to Derby but I can’t see him ever playing for us again due to a fall out with Clough. Best of luck in the future Stephen, and get your rat out.

So, as much as I wanted to see a Cardiff Swansea final, despite disliking both of the teams massively, it’s a Reading Swansea final, after Swansea overcame my least favourite team to play in Red, and also my least favourite team full stop. Fair play to Forest though. They came back very spirited in the second half. Their fans sounded amazing as much as it pains me to say which no doubt spurred them on to almost level the scores. Had Robbie Earnshaw been playing the whole match they might have won the match. Even Billy Davies was magnanimous in defeat, something that is rarely seen. Forest did well to overcome a horrific slump in form and finish in the playoffs, but ultimately ran out of luck. Hopefully next season they’ll be made to work harder for their 6 points against the Rams. I even had 50p on Forest to get promoted along with Huddersfield and Shrewsbury. That lost so I’m now living off scraps out of peoples bins in Sheffield. I’m almost sounding like a Forest sympathiser, but i’m not. Mark my words, I woke the child up next door when Darren Pratley scored the decisive goal from half way. My thoughts on the playoff final itself? Well you’ll have to wait until May 30^th for that. In that time you could possibly walk to Australia, although I’d advise a plane. My point is the gap is too long between semi and final; those poor footballers want a holiday, you know? 

The World Cup, Wigan, and relegation

Where were you on 12^th July 2010? You probably won’t know, but that date was the start of months of joy and grief for me, for both football and non-football reasons. The 11^th July was the highly underwhelming World Cup final between Spain and the Netherlands, to top off the highly underwhelming South African World Cup. Naturally, the 12^th July was the day I walked up to Ladbrokes to collect my (relatively) large (for me) winnings on a pre-tournament bet for David Villa to finish top goalscorer. The same walk saw the debut of the controversial and much sought after (I like to think) bright yellow Adidas fisherman’s style coat. Much like Robbie Savage, you either love it, or you hate it. A lot of Sheffield seem to hate it, if the strange looks I receive are anything to go by.

“We’ll pay you for a quarter of the odds duck cause he was joint top goalscorer”.  So I walked out disgruntled, but not surprised, as like the lady said, my man David shared the top scorer accolade with Thomas Muller, Wesley Sneijder  and Diego Forlan. I left Ladbrokes with £10, of which £5 was my stake . The profit I made was merely enough to cover the cost of food that I had to consume to provide my body with the fuel it required for the half and hour round walk. I had to do something drastic, and something drastic against Ladbrokes.

The only thing for it was to open an online Ladbrokes account and put £20 on Wigan to get relegated for the upcoming season.  You know Wigan? The team that offers nothing to the Premiership whatsoever? The only team in the country in which there are five empty seats to one occupied seat in their stadium? The only team in the country who’s fans turn up to see a rugby league match, only to realise it’s actually the football on show? Yeah, hopefully you now know what team I’m on about. I bet on them. Despite a scare early on in the season when they beat Tottenham at White Hart Lane, Wigan occupied the part of the league they belong in for the majority of the season; the bottom 3. The delight I had at seeing Wigan fail most weeks then turned to apprehension, and it has now turned to anger as they look set for a dramatic escape.

Wigan v West Ham. Massive match with the losers most likely to go down.  At 16:30 I logged on to my computer, and to my delight and disbelief saw that a certain D.Ba had put the Cockney Massive 2-0 up. Was the £65 and World Cup compensation package heading into my account? Terrorised with fear and dread, I went down to make my Sunday dinner. Pork. It got to half 5, 20 mins to go in the football and I hadn’t looked at the score for an hour. What could I do to pass 20 mins and not know the score? If you’re ever in doubt on how to pass 20 mins, I suggest Spontaneous Stuffing. This is where one makes stuffing despite not having had this in the Sunday dinner itinerary.

17:50. Couldn’t resist. Ran upstairs a West Ham fan and put on 5Live. “OH AND IT’S COME OFF THE POST AND GONE STRAIGHT INTO ROB GREENS ARMS! WHAT DRAMA!”. Not what I wanted to hear. Come on you Hammers, hold on for me. A minute later, “AND NZOGBIA CURLS IT IN AND WINS IT FOR WIGAN!! WHAT A VICTORY THIS IS FOR WIGAN. WEST HAM SECONDS AWAY FROM RELEGATION!”. Fantastic. So whilst I was putting in hard to work to my Sunday dinner, West Ham were putting  even harder work in to throw away a two goal lead in the most heartbreaking of circumstances. West Ham relegated and good riddance to them. A little tip for you gamblers out there; for both West Ham v Millwall matches next year, don’t bet on number of corners or both teams to score, bet on number of deaths, and both sets of fans to have a person killed. I’ll give you odds of 8/11. And as for Wigan, well, they’ll stay up and frustrate us all for another year.

David Villa missed a penalty in the group stage of the World Cup to complete a hat-trick. If he’d have scored that he’d have been top scorer, I’d have received my rightful money, not have had a grudge against Wigan, this blog post wouldn’t exist, and you would have spent the last two minutes doing something else. Sorry.

The FA Cup

When was the last time you watched a great FA Cup final? If you reply with anything other than 2006, Liverpool v West Ham, then with all due respect, you're lying. As great a final as that was, this one was just as bad. The new Wembley and the finalists that have played there have failed to create that special cup final atmosphere in my opinion. Why is this? Well 40,000 tickets (roughly) going to neutrals and corporate personalities really can't help can it? Sure Wembley, give 5,000 tickets to the richer than rich folk, but let's try and make it an event for the true fans, hey? The Champions League final later this month will also be suffering from such corporate nonsense.

Back in the day my FA Cup routine was to get up early and watch Tim and Helen on Soccer AM; there was something special about Soccer AM on cup final day. Soccer AM was not viewed on this cup final morning for reasons far too mundane to write down, so my build-up involved watching Man Utd win their 19th Premier League title. The only reason for you not to know it is their 19th is if you have been living in outer Mongolia this past week, and even then i'm sure a United fan would have sent a message to you via pigeon explaining how they have overtaken Liverpool. There is a point behind this mini rant. Why were there Premiership fixtures on FA Cup final weekend? Many people like to talk about the FA Cup being the world's best cup competition? Do England arrange an international fixture on World Cup final day? They might as well do as it's the nearest we'll ever get to seeing England play on World Cup final day, but no. It stands alone. And so should the FA Cup.

So the final itself. Yaya Toure had a great shot the first half that narrowly missed. Joe Hart made a great save from Kenwyne Jones, and then Yaya belted one from 8 yards. Don't watch the highlights, 'cause that is all that actually happened. On the screen next to the tv showing the FA Cup coverage, Valencia were beating Real Madrid 6-1 on FIFA 11. The fact FIFA was being played tells you all you need to know about the excitement of the FA Cup match. The highlight of the whole game was seeing Liam Gallagher do the Poznan. Only football could make such a hardened rock n roll star do such a silly, but impressive looking dance. So Man City won their first trophy for over 30 years, and this could well be the start of a highly successful period for them, but 14th May 2011 for me will be remembered more by the FIFA 11 escapades, greatly enjoying chicken fajitas for tea, and taking all efforts to avoid Eurovision.

Forest v Swansea

Before the Championship playoffs started, it was virtually impossible to predict who would triumph and earn their place in the Premier League. The first leg of the Forest v Swansea tie did little to make such predictions easier, but you would imagine the Swansea players and fans left the City Ground happier.

As a Derby fan, my pre-match hopes were that Swansea would turn up and consign our East Midlands rivals to another miserable playoff campaign, much like they endured in 2003 (Sheffield United), 2007 (Yeovil) and most recently, last year against Blackpool. However, once the match started and chants of “Oh Eng-er-land, is full of ****”, echoed from the away end, I realised that forcing myself to be a Swan for the night would deem me a traitor, and in a strange and insignificant way re-ignited the club vs country debate. Verdict: wish for many corners to satisfy the terms of my bet, enjoy the match and smile at any teams misfortunes.

The second minute sending off of Swansea’s Neil Taylor for a dangerous studs up tackle on Lewis Mcgugan made me question how the following 88 minutes could live up to my pre-match excitement. The tackle was a potential leg breaker and a definite sending off, contradicting Sky pundit Peter Beagrie’s view that it would have received a yellow card 9 times out of 10 in the Championship. It wouldn’t, Peter. That McGugan was caught by the Sky cameras taking a sneak peak to see what action the ref was going to take whilst writhing around in apparent pain, should not detract from the fact it was a red. From there it seemed as if Swansea would do well to go away from Nottingham with a draw.  The galvanising effect it should have had on the Forest players was non existent and instead the Swans bossed the first half, to a background noise of disgruntled Nottingham folk. An incisive Forest breakaway brought Dorus De Vries into serious action for the first  time when Rob Earnshaw struck a firm volley, causing him to palm it away for a throwing, and infuriatingly for my bet, not a corner. A sharp save low down and a spectacular tip over the bar from the English Northern Ireland goalkeeper Lee Camp followed to ensure the teams went in to half time level. Advantage Swansea.

Billy Davies must have reminded his Forest team at half time that they were actually playing an important match and they should perhaps start to play a bit better, and they did. The second half was more reminiscent of Forest performances this season at the City Ground (I have one particular match in mind). Swansea however were much more adept at defending in front of the home faithful than the team I am thinking of. They did not concede 5 for starters. Rob Earnshaw headed in at the back post to send many Forest fans delirious; those who didn’t see the flag go up straight away anyway. Billy Davies fell into this category. Ten seconds of running out the dugout, arms aloft, celebrating was great viewing. You wanted to shout out  ”But it’s offside, Billy”. He found out, eventually. Despite Forest edging the second half, it took a fantastic save from the Championship’s best keeper (I can’t let my dislike for the man get in the way of facts) to deny a Lloyd Dyer snap shot and keep his team on level terms.  Despite many corners in the second half - much to my delight - Forest could not make the most of the aerial advantage of player of the season Luke Chambers and Mr Nottingham Wes Morgan.  It finished 0-0 with 14 corners. Advantage Swansea.  I was happy as it was the next best thing to both teams losing, Brendan Rogers was happy, and Billy Davies was not too sure about what Billy Davies thought of the result. The constant licking of his lips was not a sign of him and his team relishing a trip to the fortress that has been the Liberty Stadium, it was just a Billy trademark, much like when Billy Davies talks about Billy Davies in the third person.

The tie is certainly not over. Forest could go to South Wales and do a job over Swansea, but one would expect Swansea to pull through at home, as long as they manage to keep 11 men on the field. These playoffs are tense affairs, but at least this result ensures Forest fans will not be setting themselves up for a huge fall again ala Yeovil 2007, by prematurely booking the coaches to Wembley and making ‘We’re going to Wembley’ t-shirts after the first leg.  All to play for in the second leg. May the best team win…and then lose in the final (as long as it’s not to Cardiff).